


Renewal

by cordeliadelayne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4760678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally written for lore who gave the prompt "sinner" and posted to Livejournal in 2006.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Renewal

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for lore who gave the prompt "sinner" and posted to Livejournal in 2006.

The half moon shone brightly in the night sky, illuminating the fields and caressing the homesteads dotted around the valley. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves in the trees, but apart from that all was still and quiet. Only one living creature stirred, and even then he did so quietly as he removed his clothes and lay, completely naked, on the damp grass, eyes staring straight up at the stars. He had come here to be alone, to start over. The taint of war was heavy on his skin and the taste of blood bitter on his tongue. He stretched out his arms and sunk his fingers into the ground, his eyes shutting blissfully as he listened to the world around him.

As he concentrated on the sounds of the night, something made him pause in his reflections. He could smell someone else. They had taken care to disguise their scent, but he still caught the whiff of aconite. He remained completely still, making sure that he was not mistaken. But no, he was definitely being watched.

Now his peace was broken he considered snapping at the other man, throwing a tantrum even. But there was something in the way he felt eyes scanning his naked body that was too arousing for him to ignore completely. If Snape wanted to stare at him like this, then that was okay. He could deal with that.

He was just drifting off to a fitful sleep when he realised that Snape was gone.

++++

The next morning Remus Lupin sat at his writing desk in the little cottage he had rented, and began composing a letter to Harry. It was the same letter he started every morning and the same one he would discard after an hour of feeling totally inadequate and which he would rip up and throw in the bin after lunch. There were so many things he wanted to say and no words with which to say them. How could he justify his actions? How would Harry ever forgive him? Scribbling out words in frustration he paused halfway through “ _if I had just taken the potion as Hermione_ ” and inhaled deeply. There it was – the same smell from last night. Snape was close by.

It was pointless wondering how Snape had managed to track him down when no one else had been able to. But the question of why still lingered. And what he should do about it.

Stretching out the kinks in his back Remus went over to his window and looked out, hoping for a glance of black hair or another scent that said more than words ever could, “I’ve come to find you.” But there was no sign of him, and the only smells he registered were of the flowers in his window box.

He refused to admit that he felt some sort of regret that Snape wasn’t to be found so easily as he turned away and went down to make himself some breakfast. He stepped through the doorway only to stop in mute fascination as he watched Severus Snape, in his kitchen, cooking.

The scene was so incongruous with his normal routine that the only possible response he could form was to sit down at the kitchen table while Snape spooned scrambled eggs, bacon and sausages onto his plate. It was only when the cup of tea – strong with a dash of milk – was poured for him and the toast buttered that he felt able to choose one of the many questions it would be necessary to ask.

“How did you find me?”

“I am exceptionally good at my job.”

Remus tried to keep his lips from shifting upwards. “Severus…”

“I restricted my search to areas near here, where your parents were born,” Snape began, sipping at his own coffee – black, half a teaspoon of sugar – “and which had plenty of open land for a werewolf to enjoy, at any stage of the moon.”

“I thought I smelt you there,” Remus replied and for the first time Snape looked slightly uncomfortable.

“You should eat. You look all bone.”

“You’re one to talk,” Remus huffed, but he did as he was told. Snape was always a passable cook and he hadn’t had a warm meal in far too long.

Snape kept his eyes on Remus as he ate, only moving to pour himself another mug of coffee.

“I’m not going back,” Remus noted between mouthfuls. Snape raised his eyebrows. “I’m not.”

“I don’t believe I asked.”

Remus watched as Snape took a long sip of his coffee and stared at him, unblinking. Remus resumed eating.

“Hiding away from the world won’t absolve you.”

“I’m not looking for forgiveness Severus, least of all from you.”

“I don’t forgive you.”

Remus lowered his knife and fork and very carefully finished chewing. “You don’t?”

“No.”

“Good people died because of me.”

“Yes.”

“I destroyed families.”

“Yes.”

Remus found that tears were streaming down his cheeks and he didn’t have the heart to stop them, not even for Snape’s benefit. He didn’t want this, he couldn’t…but Snape was leaning over and brushing his tears away with cold fingers.

“I can’t do it anymore, Severus. I can’t lie to myself. I am a monster.”

“You are a fool and you always have been. Your friends don’t care about what happened, they care about you. It's your actions that are important, and yours were to protect them, even if the way you went about it was completely deluded and unnecessary.”

“But you don’t forgive me?”

“I am hardly in a position to forgive anyone for doing anything, Remus. Nor do I ask for it.”

Remus nodded, because what else could he do? Snape wore his sins like armour, keeping others out; Remus buried them till they became a beacon, drawing others closer. He was unblemished whilst Snape, Snape had not fared well. And yet he was reaching out now, in his own indomitable way.

“So what are you doing here?”

“You needed feeding.”

Remus smiled. “Molly sent you then?”

Snape lips twisted into an approximation of a smile. “She can be very persuasive when she puts her mind to it. She wanted me to tell you that she doesn’t blame you for Bill’s death. It couldn’t be helped.”

“I should have…”

“Life is too short to remember all the things you should have done, Remus,” Snape interrupted sharply. “The future is where you should be concentrating. What do you think you are going to do here? Rot away. Have you even got any Wolfsbane?”

“I was going to tie myself up in the basement.”

“Of course you were,” Snape muttered, almost to himself. “It is as well that I brought supplies with me then. I presume you have a spare bedroom?”

Remus blinked. _What?_ “Are you trying to move in?”

Snape looked down his nose at Remus as he stood up, his face even sterner now it was marred with scars. “I have had an extremely long journey. Even I need sleep occasionally. Unless you wish me to trek the fifteen miles to the nearest guest house?”

“Top of the stairs. Second door on the right.”

Snape inclined his head and swooped out of the room, leaving Remus to do the washing up.

An hour later, Remus had washed up, dried and put the breakfast things away and had sat back down at the table, staring forlornly at his hands. He was still tired from his adventures last night and could do with a nap himself, but first he decided to go check on Snape. He’d been hiding away here for nearly three weeks and suddenly didn’t want to be alone anymore. He stealthily crept up the stairs, being careful to avoid the creaking third step and across the landing till he reached the spare bedroom. There, lying on top of the bed with his cloak wrapped tightly around him, was Severus Snape.

He looked younger in sleep somehow, or maybe he just looked his real age. Dark hair still greasy with just the beginnings of grey dotted about his temples. It made him look less severe, though Remus was in no doubt that he could still hex him into oblivion if he so wished.

Nodding slowly to himself he went over to the bed and climbed on top. Then, haltingly, so as not to startle Snape, he put his arm around Snape’s waist and lay his head down on the pillow, facing the other man. Snape’s eyes opened lazily, took in Remus’ cautious expression, and then closed again, sinking even deeper into the bed. Remus took that as a good sign and relaxed himself, moving forward so that now their foreheads were touching. Then, after one more fleeting look at the serene expression on his companion’s face, he closed his eyes.


End file.
